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I've Met A Boy......

So I am sitting here at work and staring t flowers that I received over a month ago from a guy I am now seeing. I stare at them and think to myself, "is this for real, have I really met someone?" Then I think back to a conversation I had with a co worker earlier this morning who told me that I don't seem to excited. Well the truth is, I don't know how to be excited. The last time I truly cared for a guy and gave it my all I was handed my heart back to me on a gold platter shattered into a million tiny different pieces. It has taken over a year and lots of crazy glue to put that heart back together. However, there are some pieces that will forever be missing. I am afraid to let that wall down completely and get super excited. I like this guy. I like him a lot. He seems to really like me as well. Actually, I know he likes me. He tells me every day how much he likes me. It's so great to hear but scary at the same time. I used to date a boy who never showed a lot of outward affection to me. Yes, we dated, we loved each other but the romance and all the stuff like that didn't really exist. It had it's moments but it was far and in between. 

My great-grandparents found out last night that I have been talking to someone. I have been trying to keep it a secret for as long as possible. I was afraid to say anything. Afraid they would assume it was my ex (again) or just look at me like I was crazy. I kept praying that God would just continue to guide me with this new relationship and help me. Then last night my Papa asks me, "have you ever heard of a site for Christians trying to find someone?" I said "yeah...." then all of a sudden a little voice in my head and heart said, "TELL THEM! This is your chance!". I looked my Papa and said "what if I were to tell you that I have met someone." I braced myself afraid of his reaction. He looked at me and said, "I would be happy for you!" I didn't know what to believe. My best friend was having dinner with us and all I could do was look at her. They asked me a few questions and it went really well. 

He will be coming down this upcoming Sunday (10-23) and he is going to meet them. Some people tell me I am crazy to have him meet them so early on. However, they are my parents. They mean the world to me. I can't hide him from them. What they think does matter to me. Also, I don't like walking around hiding stuff that I know can impact them as well. The plan is he will meet me for church because I have to read the scripture for both services. Then we will probably have lunch and then off to an Anaheim Ducks game to go cheer on my favorite players. I am nervous as heck. What if they don't like him? What if I act like the biggest goofball and don't know what to do. The last time my Papa met the guy I was dating he didn't like him right off the bat. 

I know that I have to trust in God and know that He will get me through this week and get me through that day. It just scares me to know that this is a huge step I am taking and when I was not looking God brought me a good guy. I just pray that I can let my guard down a little so that I don't let a good thing go or not experience how great it can be.

What My Great-Grandparents Mean to Me!

So I am sitting here at home after having some time to think about things and I realize that I am so lucky to have the greatest great-grandparents in my life. Every time I walk in the door my Nanny is sitting in her chair and her exact words are, “our baby is home.” While I don’t like being called their baby because 28 years old I know it’s important to her to say that. She gets a huge smile and my Papa says, “so how was your day?” While tonight didn’t end with us sitting around our kitchen table eating dinner, seeing them right when I walked in the door was great as usual.
Yes, it’s not easy living with your great-grandparents but I have gotten used to it. They have been the only parents I have ever really known. They have raised me pretty much since I was 9 months old. They were in their mid 50’s when they took me in. That takes two amazing people who are willing to give up the golden years of their lives to raise a little girl who had a lot of emotional issues and raise her as their own. Well, I couldn’t be more grateful for the life they have given me. God knew what he was doing.
2 weeks ago I went and got a tattoo for each one of them. I got a hummingbird for my Nanny and a 4 leaf clover for my Papa.  Hummingbirds represent the meaning of timelessness and healing. My Nanny’s love for me is timeless and she healed a little girl who had a lot of pain in her life early on. My Papa is Irish and he loves his heritage. I was lucky to be able to have an amazing man raise me and for that I got very lucky! A 4 leaf clover to represent the luck I have as calling him my Papa.

I have gone through a lot and my Nanny and Papa have gone through it with me. They hurt when I hurt, they are happy when I am happy. I love them so much and I am so blessed to have them by my side. Even when I made a bad decision to continue to love and be with someone they didn’t like, they still stuck by my side. They did tell me how they felt but in the end they were there to pick me up. I love that when I look at my tattoos I will always have them with me not only in my heart but on me as a tribute to the two people who have saved my life!

Family and Friends (written over a month ago)

So while I am at work, my family is attending a memorial/funeral for a close family friend who passed away last Friday (8/26). He was brought home on Monday of last week and died in his home peacefully on Friday morning after having breakfast. I went over on Wednesday while I stopped by home to see him. I had to fight the nurse to let me in and I am so thankful I did. He knew me and thanked me for coming over. I told him how much I loved him and that I would see him on Sunday when I came home to get my car. Sadly, that didn’t happen because he passed away before I get back over there. I am not one for funerals but I had actually decided to go to his. However, my great-grandparents told me it was okay to stay at work and not take any more time off than I need since my trip is coming up.
I drove home on Wednesday (8/31) to have dinner with my Nanny and Papa (great-grandparents) since I have been staying at my uncles while we have people at my house. It didn’t even dawn me that this would be the first time coming home and realizing that Bob is no longer across the street. As I sat in the car sitting outside my house, I started looking at the neighbors houses that surround me. We have Dean next door to our right when looking at our house. His wife passed away back in 2002. He is one of the dearest men I have ever known. He is so excited to see me each time I pull up and he is outside. He shuffles his way over to give me a kiss on the cheek and a big hug. Then there Mike who had to leave just a few weeks ago from his home because he couldn’t afford the payments any longer. Then there is Sandra and Chet who have been there as long as I have lived in my house (27 years). Then you have Bud and Laurel who are my brother’s grandparents who are just like grandparents to me. Then John and Carrie who are amazing as well. It all hit me, life is so uncertain. One day they are there and you never know, the next they won’t be.
Then there are my Nanny and papa who are the world to me and it is even more evident after my Nanny’s stroke and now the passing of my Papa’s best friend that they aren’t spring chickens anymore. That each day I have to live to the fullest with them in my lives. I consider those on my end of the street just like family! They mean so much to me. I am so blessed to have them as my neighbors!!!

What my nephew means to me! (Written a month ago.)

Let the count down begin! In 12 days I will be headed to Indiana with my great-grandmother to go see my little nephew who will be turning 1 on the day we arrive! I can’t wait to see him. My second tattoo was of a little monkey with blue eyes and puffy cheeks. I went to High Voltage in West Hollywood to get it done. That is when I met the most amazing tattoo artist, Kevin Lewis. I was a walk in so I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I had no idea what I wanted other than a monkey with puffy cheeks and blue eyes. Kevin didn’t believe me at first that I was giving him free rein to draw and sketch a monkey with only those two mandatory features. He did such an amazing job. Most people ask me, “why would you get a tattoo of your nephew on your ankle?” Well, the truth is, it may represent my nephew but it is more what my nephew means to me.
My nephew was born on September 13, 2010. During that time, I had so much going on through my head it was crazy. I had cut all ties to my ex-boyfriend which was one of the hardest things I have done, my great-grandmother (who raised me with my great-grandfather) had a massive stroke, during that year my best friend and I had falling out and while we eventually worked through it, it was really hard and I was struggling to keep a positive outlook on so many things. Then on September 13, 2010 I was at my grandmothers house and I got the news that my little nephew was born and that he was super healthy and doing great. My brother had brought his computer with him so I was able to Skype with my sister in law and the new joy in all of our lives. I knew the second I saw him that God was reminding me of the good in the world that still exists when some days after hearing the news, reading headlines online and in the newspaper it doesn’t feel like it at all. I met my little monkey in November and since then I have going to Indiana quite frequently to see him and just spend time with my brother, sister in law and of course #1, my nephew. Each time I go I get to experience all the new triumphs that he is achieving.
In 12 days I will be with him when he turns 1 year old and I can say it has been one of the happiest years. My Nanny is doing better (as good as to be expected) and so much better that she can go with me on the trip in 12 days. My best friend and I are closer than ever and everything has been left in the past. If anything she is the sister I have never had. I am blessed to have 2 sisters now, her and my sister in law who is my close friend as well. Since I stopped talking to my ex my life has become clearer and so much more happy. The toxic mess I put myself in is officially gone. I haven’t talked to him for a year and it has been a good year.

When times get rough, I look down at my ankle and remind myself that there is a little guy in Indiana who doesn’t know anything of his aunties past and only knows that she loves him so much and loves to give him gifts, kisses and tons of hugs. He loves me for me and doesn’t expect me to be anything other than his auntie. I can’t wait to see my little guy and be around the real little monkey who Kevin Lewis depicted so well on my ankle. To see those blue eyes and puffy cheeks is going to be the best birthday present ever. I turn 28 the week I return from celebrating his 1st birthday.